Okay movie friends, if you’ve clicked on the link to read this review, you’ve probably already experienced the original Birdemic: Shock and Terror, directed by master of the Romantic Thriller James Nguyen. Or it could be you’re just intrigued by the word “birdemic” – and who wouldn’t be?  This also means it’s likely you already know if you’re going to enjoy the sequel, and there’s not much I can do to change your mind.  Most people who’ve seen Birdemic have strong feelings about it.  Love it or hate it, the one emotion I haven’t encountered is ambivalence.

How can you not love this photo?

JennyD and I (joined by some bird loving, hanger-carrying friends) saw Birdemic 2: The Resurrection at the closing of the Cinedelphia Film Festival (http://www.cinedelphiafilmfestival.com) at PhilaMoca, late at night with a bunch of other people who were there to enjoy the shit out of this movie.  On top of that, we were joined by Director James Nguyen, Producer Jeff Ross, and star Alan Bagh (“Rod”)!  How much better could a premiere get?

Not much better, as it happens.  I can’t recall the last time I laughed and enjoyed myself so much at an event like this.  It seemed like everyone was having a great time – they laughed, they cheered, they freakin’ sang along to the original movie’s now classic song “Just Hanging Out”!  I love a sing-along at a movie!  Clearly, almost every single person there knew what they were in for, and were loving it.  And with a movie like Birdemic 2, that’s exactly the way you need to go into it.

In the film, we continue to follow the exploits of Birdemic‘s brilliant computer engineer Rod (Alan Bagh) and his girlfriend Nathalie (Whitney Moore, clearly very much in on the joke this time around), along with Rod’s adopted son (!), a boy he rescued in the first film and in this film only makes an appearance in one scene (hey, children are expensive to hire in the movie world).  There was a sister in the original too, but since the film didn’t have the budget for two kid actors, she was conveniently dealt with offscreen in a way that is far too awesome for me to reveal here.

Joining our intrepid couple is Bill (Thomas Favaloro), an independent film director struggling to make it in Hollywood despite resistance from the big studio system (those jerks!).  And given how much screen time is devoted to him walking around town, it’s clear the poor guy needs some big studio cash.  Lend this man some money for a cab, people!  Bill just wants to make the movies he wants to make, like his current project, Sunset Dreams, but he needs financing since the studios just don’t understand him.  Fortuitously, his good buddy Rod just happens to have a MILLION DOLLARS from his software sales!  Executive producer/director high five! (I should note the high fives in both films are epic).  Now Bill can make his movie, but where shall he ever find a lead actress with the right amount of beauty and talent?

Cue waitress/aspiring actress Gloria (Chelsea Turnbo), whom Bill meets for about 5 seconds before he decides not only would she be perfect in the lead role, she’s perfect for him as well.  And with some of the worst pickup lines – but the best eyebrow work – in cinematic history, Bill gets his leading lady.

All this blossoming romance signals it’s about time for some bird chaos!  Instead of a detailed explanation, how about I offer you this: Millions of eagles and vultures are attacking Hollywood!!!  It’s raining blood!!!  Who will survive and what will be left of them?!?!?!

Our intrepid heroes

I could discuss the subplots about global warming and blood somehow resurrecting creatures from the La Brea tar pits, but why do that?  Cue attacks!  Cue hangers!  Cue exploding birds!  Bagh and company combat the winged threat with weapons including not just the famous hangers of the past but guns, umbrellas, tripods and (most wonderfully) totally badass karate moves!  And during all this madness Rod and Nathalie never thought to mention that THEY’D ALREADY BEEN THROUGH THIS BEFORE!!!   The. Exact. Same. Thing.  Eventually they think to bring up this minor tidbit of information – about 15 minutes before the end of film.  You know, when it’s important.

It’s not hangers, but it will have to do.

I’m leaving out all sorts of hilarious moments – zombies, cavemen (don’t ask, just accept) and another rockin’ dance scene complete with a new song from Damien Carter. But it’s no fun to hear about that stuff from me, so I’ll leave some secrets for when you watch.

After the movie’s rather abrupt ending, we were treated to a Q&A with James Nguyen, Alan Bagh and Jeff Ross.  I was initially worried that people would be jerks and ask crappy, jerkish and awkward questions.  I get it, the movie’s not a cinematic masterpiece, but in my opinion being obnoxious to the director is just bad form.  However, with few exceptions, everyone was there in the spirit of fun, and the questions reflected that.

The surprise for me was James Nguyen.  I wasn’t sure prior to this screening if he thinks he’s making great movies or if he’s just very clever and knows exactly what he’s doing.  The jury’s still out on that one.  Before the film started he asked everyone how many drinks we’d all had, and later compared the Birdemic viewing experience to Rocky Horror, which suggests he’s in on the joke, but the way he answered some of the questions implies otherwise.  So who knows?  And does it really matter?

Director James Nguyen

Here’s what I do know – the guy seems incredibly sincere, and he knows about movies.  Whether or not he knows how to make them is not in question at this time.  He loves Hitchcock, which is no secret, but he also knows his Hitchcock.  These are two different things.  He can discuss, in detail, camera angles, lighting design, film history and theory.  He cites a reference from a David Lynch film that he put into his movie, and damned if I didn’t see it.  I saw it in a scene of questionable quality, but I saw it nonetheless.  He has a wealth of knowledge; however, his ability to apply said knowledge to his own films is perhaps not his greatest strength.

Either way, he loves what he’s doing and he’s thrilled that people are enjoying themselves watching his movie.  He was very up front about his budgetary restraints and some of the adjustments he had to make.  He also brought up what I thought was a very good point – that if the movie was perfect, we probably wouldn’t be out at PhilaMoca late at night laughing and cheering.  He’s probably right.  Sincerity doesn’t make your movie better, but it does deserve some respect.

Jeff Ross and Alan Bagh didn’t have nearly as much to say, but we were treated to not one, but TWO karate kicks from Bagh!  Those kicks in the movie weren’t just fancy camera angles, friends!  They were REAL!

And that was our adventure with Birdemic 2: The Resurrection!  If you are going to watch this movie (and hell, why not?), I suggest you get a group of (open-minded) friends together and enjoy the ride!  Looking forward to BIRDEMIC 3!  ~SF.

All remake angst aside, I’m not feeling so great about this one. I love love love Chloe Moretz (Let Me In, Kick-Ass), but this might be some serious miscasting. I’m also a little turned off by what I can see of the effects. However, I hope for the best. It’s encouraging to see more mainstream horror films directed by women. Maybe Kimberly Peirce (Boys Don’t Cry) can give this overused source material new life with a feminine point of view. Looking at current events, there’s no doubt that the issues raised in King’s 1974 novel are relevant as ever.

I missed my chance to chat with you about a number of interesting titles while they were new. The ABCs of Death for instance. Or Warm Bodies. Instead of trying and failing to catch up, let’s start fresh. What are you looking forward to most in 2013? I’ll go first.

JENNY’S MOST WANTED

5. The Conjuring

July 19th

The Conjuring, the newest spooky picture from James Wan of Saw and Insidious fame, stars Vera Farmiga (Norman Bates’ mum in the Bates Motel series) and Insidious star Patrick Wilson. Looks like he’s working with a screenplay from brothers Chad and Carey Hayes (Whiteout, The Reaping) this time rather than long-time partner Leigh Whannell. They always made a killer team, managing to scare the pants off audiences with little to no budget, and I’m a little sad to see the lineup changed. Can The Conjuring deliver the same level of fear and creativity that we’ve come to expect from Wan? I’m feeling optimistic. The trailer is simple but effective, and I love the classic 70s horror vibe I’m getting from the poster and promotional stills. (Bonus: more music by the terrifying Joseph Bishara!) I love a good haunted house flick. I’m in.

Update: Oh, snap a new trailer comes out right before I post this. Sheesh! I like the more subtle video above, but I’m intrigued by the newer, flashier ad too. There are some cheap shots, but I’ve come to expect that from all horror trailers these days. So, for the sake of completion…

4. Maniac

June 21st

Although I’m not a big fan of William Lustig’s gritty 1980 classic Maniac, I’m surprisingly excited about this slick-looking remake from Franck Khalfoun (P2) and French horror master Alexandre Aja (High Tension, Piranha, the upcoming adaptation of Joe Hill’s Horns). Elijah Wood, known for pretty blue eyes and an epic adventure in Middle Earth, may seem like an odd choice to replace original maniac Joe Spinell. Anyone who has seen his startling appearance as Kevin in Sin City, however, knows he’s got what it takes to pull this off. It looks beautiful and the buzz is good. Looking forward to checking this out very much.

3. American Mary

May 31st

American Mary, directed and written by the Soska sisters of Dead Hooker in a Trunk, stars Katharine Isabelle (Ginger Snaps) as a demoralized medical student who turns to a dark new world of easy money and power; an underground practice of illegal surgeries and bizarre body modifications. Between my appreciation of Jen and Sylvia Soska–the kind of hardcore female presence this genre sorely needs–and the sexy and disturbing experience promised by this trailer, American Mary is a Final Girl Support Group must-see.

2. You’re Next

August 23rd

After about 6 months of buzz and frantic anticipation, the trailer for Adam Wingward’s You’re Next hit the web last Thursday. The excitement of the horror community leading up to the release of the trailer and the response afterward is the kind of energy usually reserved for big-budget geekery (e.g., Pacific Rim, The Hobbit, The Avengers). It’s been wild to see fans all a-flutter over a genre ad.

One reason for all this enthusiasm is the cast and crew, featuring classic scream queen Barbara Crampton (Reanimator, From Beyond) and a collection of new-school filmmakers including Ti West (The Innkeepers, House of the Devil), Joe Swanberg (V/H/S), A.J. Bowen (A Horrible Way to Die, House of the Devil), and–of course–writer/director team Adam Wingward and Simon Barrett, most known for The ABCs of Death, V/H/S, and A Horrible Way to Die. You’re seeing a lot of repetition with the titles here and that’s because this is a close-knit group of actors, writers and directors who love the genre and collaborate often.

And I’ve said nearly nothing about the film itself. Home invasion isn’t my favorite sub-genre, but I can appreciate any truly great horror movie. Based on this beautifully shot trailer and festival reviews, I think You’re Next could have the atmosphere, performances and tension we’re looking for.

1. Evil Dead

April 5th

Ok. This one is… kind of cheating. Because we maaaaaaaayyyy have already seen it on Tuesday. But I assure you, my excitement as I waited months to see the new Evil Dead remake was almost unhealthy. I’m surprised no one planned an intervention. The obsession was a pretty intense. I mean, look at this redband trailer. It ranks among the bloodiest, nastiest mainstream film ads ever. Maybe THE nastiest. COME. ON.

Did it live up to my ridiculously high expectations? I’m not telling. But I AM saying folks with the stomach for buckets of gore and an appreciation for practical effects should go see it this weekend. A review with more details coming soon.

Your turn. What are you looking forward to most?

We thought we weren’t going to be able to find 10 best films this year, let alone 13.  But when JennyD, crow and myself actually sat down and went through our lists, we found plenty of gems that we felt needed to be recognized.  This list runs the gambit from independent hauntings to adorably disturbing stop-motion to big budget sci-fi horror.  So there’s plenty for every type of fan out there.  And compared to last year’s highly gorgeous, well-made but incredibly depressing films, this list is a picnic (a blood drenched picnic, but still).

The real winners this year are the monster kids and kids-at-heart – we saw a resurgence of the creepy, weird and wonderful films for younger viewers.  JennyD called them gateway films, and she’s not wrong.  These movies, aside from being fun, scary and touching all at the same time, help introduce kids to a world where although things may seem normal, by the end of the film they (and we) are taught normal is boring and weirdness is something to be celebrated.  Good lesson for people of any age.

Of course, we didn’t get to every film, so we freely admit there’s some stuff that should be on this list that isn’t there solely because we couldn’t get out to the theater.  We do our best.  So here it is, the Lucky 13 of 2012:

1. ABCs of Death – The anthology film has made quite the comeback in 2012, and I’d say ABCs is the strongest of the bunch.  26 short films made by 26 different directors, each with one letter of the alphabet to guide them.  With that many shorts, the odds would tell you that most of them would be fair to mediocre, with a few gems and a few total bombs. There were definitely a few that should have been left on the cutting room floor, but that’s to be expected in any movie with 26 directors.  However, the pleasant surprise is that well more than half of these creepy, gory and sometimes intensely disturbing shorts were not only enjoyable, but beautiful and thought-provoking as well.  Special mention to letters A, D, O, R, U and X.  I’d say why, but that would be giving too much away.  Just check it out for yourself.
2. The Bay – You most likely didn’t even know this film existed unless you have an Xbox (that’s where we found it), and that’s sad for everyone, because The Bay is a creepy found footage flick that’s a little too close to reality for my comfort.  It’s directed by Barry Levinson, whose best known for more kind-hearted fare like Rain Main, Toys and Wag the Dog.  But then again, he also did Sleepers, which is pretty damn horrific, so he’s got it in him.  In The Bay, a small town in the Chesapeake Bay area is overrun by a ecological virus/disaster.  The incident is covered up by the government, with the movie consisting of the leaked footage of what really happened.  It combines Jaws with early Cronenberg body horror films.   The creepiest part of this whole film is that according to Levinson, about 80-85% of it is fact-based.  Originally, Levinson was approached to make a documentary about the Chesapeake Bay, but after he realized there was not only viewer apathy but a Frontline documentary that covered most of the information, he decided to tweak it for a feature film.  Isopods are real, the incredible amount of pollution in the Chesapeake Bay is real.   The film is a great watch, but the reality is scary enough.
3. Cabin in the Woods – We already reviewed this wildly hilarious film earlier in the year, so most of what we needed to say was said there.  This movie rocks – probably my pick for best of the year.
4. Frankenweenie – I love Tim Burton, but I won’t lie that in the last several years I haven’t loved most of his output in general.  It’s just seemed less…weird.  And special – that special strange that he used to deliver in spades.  However, Frankenweenie, a stop-motion animated tale (based on Burton’s 1984 live action short ) is a much welcome return to form.  It’s also a love letter to monster kids and monster movies, with references to so many classic films it’s hard to keep track of them all.  But if you love your Burton in the flavor of Edward Scissorhands, Beetlejuice and The Nightmare Before Christmas (yes, I know he didn’t direct it. It’s still part his. Shut up), this is definitely one to watch.  And bring the kids.
5. The Grey – If seeing Liam Neeson tape broken bottles to his knuckles to fight wolves isn’t enough incentive to see this movie, well, you probably won’t see it based on this recommendation either.  The Grey got a little lost in the shuffle (and the cinematic black hole that is January), and probably suffered from misleading marketing as well.  The trailers made it look like an action-packed Taken 3: Wolves!  Not so much, marketing team.  Liam Neeson and a bunch of other plane crash survivors must battle not only the freezing temperatures, blinding wind and lack of food, but some big ass wolves decide they want in on the free dinner.  Given that the tone of the film was completely misrepresented, I can see why people would feel a little cheated.  But go in with an open mind, and you’ll find that while it might not be what you expect, there’s a great survival horror film in there.
6. Livide – It’s French.  There’s a creepy ballerina girl.  Do I really need to say much more to catch your interest?
7. The Loved Ones – I reviewed this one already, so there’s not much to add here.  It’s great.  Keep up the good work, Australia.
8. Lovely Molly – Directed and co-written by Eduardo Sanchez (one half of the pair behind The Blair Witch Project), Lovely Molly is one of those films that on paper didn’t seem so great.  But I very much enjoyed the Wicker Man-type vibe, the strong performance from Gretchen Lodge as Molly, and the open to interpretation ending.  I liked it even better the second time around.
9. The Pact – After her mother’s death, a pair of sisters (Caity Lotz and Anges Bruckner) move back into their childhood home, where things are not what they seem.  The film focuses mainly on Lotz in a strong performance, with Casper Van Dien in a supporting role.  The film handles the building tension well, without showing too much, and Haley Hudson plays one freaking creepy girl with a connection to the supernatural.
10. Paranorman – Another gateway movie, this time about a young boy who can see and converse with the dead, and how sometimes even the dead can be misunderstood.  I really loved this movie, both for its sweetness and for the references that came about every minute (but didn’t distract from the film).  Double feature this with Frankenweenie and you’ve got a great night of creating some new horror fans.
11. Prometheus – I have so much to say about Prometheus that it’s almost impossible to cut it short for this top 13.  And since crowbait already covered this one, I’ll leave my thoughts until later.  An imperfect creation this might be, but it’s head and shoulders above most other director’s best work.  Alien fan or not, it’s a must for any sci-fi or horror fan.
12. Sinister – If you saw the trailer for Sinister, I’m sorry, because it gives SO much away (not that this is a huge shock, since trailers pretty much always do that now).  It’s especially a shame here, though, because while Sinister doesn’t reinvent the wheel, it does go for a different take on a standard formula.  Ethan Hawke plays a true crime writer so desperate for another successful book that he moves his family into a house where some horrific murders occurred.  He also discovers some suspicious-looking filmstrips and player in the attic, sitting all by itself.  When he starts to watch them (like you do), he begins to uncover not only some creepy footage of murders but clues that all of these deaths may be linked.  Hawke plays his character well, and by that I mean he’s not particularly likable – he lies constantly, he’s selfish and kind of a jerk.  But he also loves his kids and thinks he’s doing something that will help them (even though he is WILDLY off base about the whole “help” thing).  His choice to try and solve these filmstrip mysteries is a terrible idea (or there wouldn’t be a movie), and once things start getting weird there’s some great creepy scares – and yes, a few crappy jump scares and stings.  But when the scares are played right, they really work.  Using multiple media (filmstrips, photos, computers) create some effective moments, especially when they’re not telegraphed.  I can’t emphasize enough how much better the mood and scares are when they’re not telegraphed.    The film boasts some excellent lighting (especially in the darker, low-lit scenes) and carries an atmosphere of dread for most of its running time.  Definitely an enjoyable, unsettling flick.
13. V/H/S – Our second anthology film on this list, V/H/S is a little uneven but still interesting and unique enough to earn a place on our list.  Special mention to “Amateur Night” and “10/31/98” – definitely the strongest of the set.  But almost all of them (with perhaps one exception) have something interesting to keep your attention.

So there it is, horror-loving friends, the FGSG top 13.  We’re looking forward to what 2013 will bring.   ~SF.

So you’re paging through the on-demand titles of your video service of choice and you find a supposed remake of the cult classic Silent Night, Deadly Night. “Well that’s cool. The original was a good slasher, savaged by censorship into a toothless mess but with some real promise in its execution. The sequel was another mess, but this one a delightful mis-match of tone stemming from the performances that elevated the mediocre writing to hilarity. And this new one even stars Malcolm McDowell! That’s probably worth a rental!” Well, inner monologue, I hate to disappoint you but that is all that this in-name-only cash-in will do.

Silent Night takes place over a single Christmas Eve, during the annual parade of Santas in a small midwestern town. Officer Bradimore (Jaime King) is a recently divorced police woman who must find the Santa suited killer who is on a murder spree. Suspects loom everywhere and the body count rises as the deplorable behavior of the townsfolk shows that no one belongs on the “nice” list. In the end the killer will be revealed, and will have nothing to do with anything.

Officer Bradimore, despite being an armed officer of the law who is never out of uniform is the target of constant sexual harassment. Not a scene passes by without her needing to talk past disgusting innuendos or shrug away from unwanted physical contact from co-workers, suspects and the creepy reverend. Not once does she ever effectively deal with a male character. She isn’t Laurie Strode, a virginal high-school girl, she’s an officer of the law! Much is made of her recent divorce weighing heavily on her mood but that can’t account for how pathetic she appears when it comes to defending herself from every half-drunk punk in a red suit.

Tell me I’m going soft if you want, but killing an obnoxious 13-year-old girl with a cattle prod just seems mean-spirited to me. Just because she whines to go to the mall and her mom is too strung out to argue with her, I’m supposed to laugh as Santa shocks her into vomiting and collapse? God Bless America wasn’t funny either.

This film hates Christmas. The script is peppered with monologues about how Christmas is awful. A “bad santa” wannabe writes and reads journal entries about how it drives people insane. A drunken drifter in a stained Santa suit tells us about how he uses the holidays to take advantage of people. The skeevy reverend delivers a homily about how Jesus was born into cow shit because we’re horrible sinners. None of these raving diatribes are very well written or well delivered but we’re all going to sit down and watch one wacko or another vent about why Christmas is all wrong before we’re allowed to go back to watching our bad murder-Santa movie! Other Christmas themed horror films don’t spread a message of peace on Earth and goodwill toward men, but they also don’t chew up more than a minute or two of runtime with someone complaining that Christmas isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Silent Night wants you to know that it’s all Christmas’ fault. So I guess the writer never got that red fire truck he wanted.

McDowell is here to do his signature move. Act wacky and collect an easy paycheck. Sheriff Cooper is a raving loon and his portrayal shows another flaw in the direction, a lack of commitment to McDowell’s background. He delivers his lines in a forced broad Midwestern accent but often slips back into his natural British accent. For a small town sheriff out in the boonies, he uses the epithet “bloody” a lot. The confused result sounds like McDowell was told to improvise his lines to be suitably raving but translating to the American accent caused some bumps in the process. Because no one tried to correct these painful moments, I suppose I’m meant to shrug my shoulders and chuckle warmly and say “Hey! McDowell, amiright? As these comedy efforts of the crazy sheriff fall apart there are a few poor executed references to the other films to try for an ironic chuckle, such as a redo of the killer offering a bloody gift to a little girl witness and a poor deputy made to actually speak the line “What is this? Garbage day?” Even the actor is embarrassed of that half-muttered line.

The story tries its hand at several different approaches for the modern slasher. A few early kills borrow the look of Saw or other “torture forward” flicks. Some murders have the 80′s flair for incongruous set ups, including the sexy teen impaled on reindeer antlers ala Linnea Quigley in the original. Victims at first are entirely characterized by sex, such as the cheating husband and the pornographer, so it’s implied that the film carries the “morality play” inspiration of the 80′s original, but then discards that angle. The killer leaves a calling card that the police can’t find but the audience is forced to see as obvious. When Bradimore shoots a suspect a red gift box can be seen on-screen, implying that the killer knew she would have to shoot? Or that the man she shot was the killer? Here’s where the film takes another page from a famous horror franchise.

Once the police are clued in the film becomes an awkward Scream sequel. Suspects are picked off one by one and the script tries to throw suspicion on others as the police race around trying to locate them. But it’s a hack job. The audience is already aware that half of the candidates for the electric chair don’t fit the appearance of the killer. We saw him in shadowy profile in the first minute of the film! No time and attention is actually paid to crafting a whodunnit mystery. In the end the killer is . . . Spoilers! . . . some guy. He’s no one to us because he hasn’t been a character before the reveal. And in that reveal he’s a child in a flashback to a murder from 20 years ago. Simultaneously the killer is a roving madman who appears in a different town every year and a wronged child returning to his hometown for vengeance against the people who shot his father for burning his mother to death while wearing a Santa suit. What?

That’s why Silent Night fails. It tries to be everything horror-film at once and ends up succeeding at nothing. It’s not scary, it’s not funny, and it’s certainly not interesting. The original two films have recently seen a Blu-ray release. Go spend your Xmas money there.

Merry Garbage Day Everyone!

Poster by Justin Miller

This post may exclude a number of our readers and I apologize, but the best time of the year is on its way and that means one thing here in the Philadelphia area; The Exhumed Films 24 Hour Horror-thon!

Yeah, you heard me. 24 hours. Noon Saturday to noon Sunday. Equal parts wild entertainment and grueling endurance test, the International House is definitely the place to be this weekend. It’s magic. Sweaty blood-splattered butt-numbing magic.

Now, the Horrorthon sells out fast. Faster every year. I do believe 2012 set a record at just six days and that was back in August. Why am I bothering to discuss the event if most of you can’t attend? If you’re attending for the first time or may attend in the future, I’m hoping to give  you a general idea of what to expect. Hell, if neither of those qualifiers apply, here are a bunch of micro-reviews.

The list of films seen last year, in the order they were shown, along with the dubious hints included in the program:

1. Psychomania

Hint: Fun 1970s British film that successfully combines two specific horror and exploitation genres.  Year: 1971

Jenny: Obnoxious biker teens become the living dead through ritualistic suicide. Horror elements are overwhelmed by unintentional silliness and that’s just fine. Lots of fun.

StayFrosty: This was a great choice to kick off the Horrorthon, because this movie is totally nuts.  And by nuts I mean hilarious.  Between asking for the secrets of the living dead while angrily eating a sandwich (where did it come from? Where????) or a graveyard makeout ending with a frog hidden in a coat pocket (you heard me), the audience was engaged and laughing pretty much throughout.

crowbait: The British films I’ve seen from this era are often so . . . bleak. Even while they are camp entertainment. The villains enjoy a reign of terror while the “heroes” are woefully ineffectual police officers, stuffy officials who are cut down by the gleeful satanists and monsters. Youth are revolutionary and evil and will not be stopped except by their own self-destruction! Yeah, sure it’s done for laughs here but with some better acting and less witchcraft, this could be A Clockwork Orange. Or not. 

2. Rodan

Hint: Giant monster movie classic.  Year: 1956

StayFrosty:  I’ll admit I slept through most of this.  I was trying to get my sleep in early.

crowbait: The Japanese dig too greedily and too deep and awaken the winged Godzilla-alike. The impressive destruction of model cities fills the second half of the film and makes up for the ponderous narration that weighs down the first half. Par for the course really with Toho features. I remember watching these movies as a kid, filling in the boring “talking” parts with my own dinosaur toys.

Jenny: No doubt a classic of Japanese monster flicks. I was so bored though. I’m so sorry, Japan! I want to love your giant rampaging kaiju. I just don’t have the strength.

3. Frightmare

Hint: Little seen supernatural shocker that marks the horror debut of a future genre icon.  Year: 1981

Jenny: The future genre icon in question here is legendery actor and reanimator, Jeffrey Combs, appearing in his first horror film role. I was thrilled to see him and the pissed-off undead horror star (in the tradition of Christopher Lee and Bela Lugosi) was an amusing choice for a villain. With a plot strangely similar to Weekend at Bernie’s and a goofy gothic aethsetic, Frightmare is campy slasher fun. It’s overlong, unfortunately, and gets surprisingly dark. Dark is fine, but it’s an odd change in mood after the setup. Despite criticisms, I enjoyed it and I’m glad I had a chance to see it.

StayFrosty: This started out pretty fun, and it’s a cool idea to have a Bela Lugosi-type actor be all evil with mind powers, but it just doesn’t deliver the goods.  Too many long shots of our villain touching his head and making big eyes, not enough stuff actually happening.

crowbait: Yeah. I thought with some tighter editing, this could have been one of my faves. Unfortunately, when you have 30 minutes to wait around for the villain to even start moving you have plenty of time to notice “hey, this movie isn’t as clever as it thinks it is.”

4. Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer

Hint: Just when you thought you were having fun, along comes Movie #4 to completely depress you with its stark brutality and nihilsim.   Year: 1986

StayFrosty: I’d seen Henry before – it’s an impactful, rough film.  I still felt this way watching it on the big screen, and I also realized I now know where Rob Zombie got his inspiration for every character in House of 1000 Corpses and The Devil’s Rejects (they’re pretty much all Otis, including Sid Haig, who plays a guy named Otis).  Michael Rooker does an amazing job here of showing us a dangerous, frightening man who is still trying desperately to do the right thing with the one woman he might be able to care about.  Watching the scenes where she wants to be close to him and he is so desperately trying to stay away to avoid hurting her still carry weight on the second viewing.  In fact, I think I appreciated those types of scenes more this time around.  This isn’t an easy movie to watch, but I think it’s one that should be seen.

Jenny: They’re not kidding with that hint. This is a really severe shift in tone after the last few flicks, but it’s a classic. Horror fans willing to explore such a hopeless and violent place should see at least once. However, viewers uncomfortable with sexual violence in film should use caution or skip it entirely.

5. The Dead

No hint needed. Film announced in advance.   Year: 2010

StayFrosty:  Much like everything filmed in Australia, Africa is a gorgeous place to shoot a film.  This movie has beautiful landscape shots and lovely natural colors.  I was very much looking forward to this, and while I enjoyed it, I think it lost its footing in the last third of the film.  However, there’s some excellent imagery and a few very creepy moments.

crowbait: It’s always really interesting to see a zombie movie play out in a foreign environment. The zombie has always been seen as a metaphor for disease and witnessing the destruction of Africa this way, as the white people flee, is poignant. The antidote for the Resident Evil 5 video game, which started with a similar premise and quickly lost its way.

Jenny: The only new release shown and the only title projected digitally; both very unusual for an Exhumed Films event. I was very excited to see The Dead because I’d heard lots of intriguing things. That it was dangerous to film, that the locations were both beautiful and breaking new ground… it sounded amazing. After seeing it, I do appreciate the choice of setting and its relevance to social issues, but was rather disappointed by the film itself. Just another zombie movie.

6. Trick or Treat

Hint: Totally stupid, totally awesome Satanic silliness.  Year: 1986 

crowbait: Yes! One of my favorites! I’d seen it before of course but I’m never going to complain about having a chance to see this rock and roll nightmare. What’s really great about this film is that you can tell real fans of shock rock were behind it. It never descends to the level of parody: Embracing it’s subject matter for laughs rather than abusing it. Even though it’s about a satanist rocker using back-masking to cast spells and resurrect himself from the dead to get some revenge, there’s never any preachy nonsense about devil music, except for a hilarious cameo by Ozzy Osbourne as an anti-smut reverend.

StayFrosty:  Crow is right on all counts.  I hadn’t seen this before, so it really was a great surprise.  I loved it.  And the facial expressions on our Satanist rocker – oh man, they are excellent.

Jenny: I’d seen this before and I was so happy to see it again. The Osbourne cameo is fantastic and the villain is hilarious. Best movie ever? Well… maybe not, but a must-watch if you don’t hate fun. Possibly my favorite film screened at the Horrorthon. 

7. Night Warning

Hint: Underappreciated, over-the-top slasher/psychosexual thriller.  Year: 1982

Jenny: I’m so confused about this one. I’ve seen a number of post-Horrorthon reports taut Night Warning (AKA Butcher, Baker, Nightmare Maker) as the pick of the event. There’s definitely some dialogue here, featuring over-the-top homophobia and incestuous professions, to shock and amuse slasher fans, but I don’t get it. I got bored and left, so I can’t give it a proper review. There’s plenty of love going around for this tale of serious family dysfunction, though, so folks into exploitation may want to check it out.

8. Frankenhooker

Hint: Unconventional adaptation of a literary horror classic #1.  Year: 1990

StayFrosty: This was my first time seeing Frankenhooker.  Very much in the vein of Re-Animator (except our mad scientist is from Jersey), it mixes humor and horror in equal measure.  Probably more humor than horror, but a very funny and clever take on the Frankenstein story.  The stuff with the super crack wasn’t really necessary, but what can you do.

crowbait: Once the actual monster awakens and the rampage begins, the movie’s entertainment value soars. Unfortunately, it’s a long slog to get there and it doesn’t last long. There’s some tacked on commentary on the sad state of women who fill a need that has always has been a part of society and who are abused and destroyed for doing so but that’s never allowed to get in the way of gratuitous, unattractive nudity, pimp-slapping and “super crack.”

Jenny: I have tried (Basketcase) and I have tried (Bad Biology), but I’m just not a Frank Henenlotter fan. With that said, I really enjoyed this sleazy little flick. I’m sure the party atmosphere of a tired giggling crowd contributed to the positive experience, but I do think it’s worlds better than the rest of Henenlotter’s catalogue. I’d recommend it if you’re looking for laughs and trashy fun.

9. Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde

Hint: Unconventional adaptation of a literary horror classic #2.  Year: 1976

crowbait: I have to wonder about the underlying message here about how black people shouldn’t try to “be white” by becoming well-educated medical professionals and scientists. Eh, maybe I’m reading too deeply into what is obviously an excuse to see pimps and cops destroyed by a black man with a bullet-proof layer of white skin. (That’s a whole other can of symbolic worms.)

Jenny: It’s getting late at this point and the audience is tiring. I suspect some of the weaker less engaging selections are placed in this slot where folks inevitably start zoning out. So many of these blaxploitation twists on classic monsters start out with promise, but turn out to be slow-paced disappointments that drag on and wear out their welcome before long. Especially hard to get into after the rude guilty pleasures of Frankenhooker, I was very bored.

10. The Legend of the Wolf Woman

Hint: Infamous, sleezy, and bizarre Euro-horror/sexploitation movie.  Year: 1976

Jenny:  Basically an Italian rape-revenge movie with gratuitous full-frontal and delusions of lycanthropy. I’d seen Wolf Woman before; found in one of those cheap and glorious 50-packs Mill Creek churns out constantly. I sort of half-watched it then and I fear that’s the best way to do it. Once again, it’s amazing how some of these films with bad dubbing, hilarious dialogue and silly effects can get boring so quickly if the pace is slow and the scenes are repetitive. Even viewers attracted to the female form will tire of seeing this lady dance naked in a circle of torches for eternity. Adding goofy werewolf prosthetics to the naked dancing can only help for so long. It might be fun to throw it on during a party, but it doesn’t deserve your full attention. I fought sleep so hard during this film and I’m certain I lost.

11. Blood Diner

Hint: This is a goofy gore/sleaze-fest that will probably make your brain hurt with its sheer stupidity. It’s 5:30 in the morning, what did you expect?    Year: 1987

Jenny: I’m afraid this isn’t a review at all. This is the inevitable movie I slept through. I didn’t want to. I’m so ashamed. Every time I woke up for a minute, something tacky and horrible was happening onscreen and then I was out again. I’ve been told by more than one source that what I’m describing is the best way to enjoy Blood Diner, so I’m fighting my desire to seek it out and rewatch while awake. Dare I ruin my delirious 5:30 in the morning memories? Uh… highly recommended as a movie to sleep to.

12. The Burning

Hint: Star-studded” slasher semi-classic.  Year: 1981

Jenny: After a nice breakfast break, I’d recovered from my Dr. Black, Mr. Hyde and Wolf Woman woes. The Burning, definitely a classic, was a great way to start a new day of film overload.

Regarding the hint, both Holly Hunter and Seinfield‘s Jason Alexander made their film debut in this campgrounds slasher. Based on the old “Cropsey” urban legend, a summer camp caretaker is horribly burned and disfigured by a group of campers when a prank goes terribly wrong. Years later, Cropsey returns to the camp for brutal revenge. Slasher fans should check out The Burning for creepy kills (many featuring that terrifying pair of shears), successful shocks, and a rare Final Boy.

13. Maximum Overdrive

Hint: Usually, this is the spot where we show an “animals attack” movie. Well, there are no animals here, but people definitely get attacked in this silly sci-fi/action/horror amalgam.  Year: 1986

crowbait: Ugh. I guess it’s a good thing this was made when Stephen King was frequently face down in a bucket of cocaine because then he at least has some excuse. Nonsensical plot inconsistencies, schizo characters, ill fitting music and overlong scenes.

Jenny: I am generally a fan of King, but I couldn’t do it. Just couldn’t. The man shouldn’t direct. I left.

14. Meet the Feebles

Hint: For the first time ever, the Horror-thon does not end with a zombie film. In fact, it technically doesn’t even end with a horror movie. Instead, we close with this jaw-droppingly ridiculous/offensive/just-plain-wrong cult film favorite.   Year: 1989

Jenny: Meet the Feebles. Where do I begin? It’s The Muppets gone horribly horribly wrong presented by madman Peter Jackson. A relic of his wonderful and disgusting pre-Hobbit years.

This was an amazing conclusion to over 20 hours of movie madness. In a sick twist on the Henson characters we all know and love, puppets running a variety show succumb to their many vices—greed, drugs, sex, violence—and circle the drain as we cringe and follow along. It’s childhood corrupted. It’s both awful and hilarious. Peter Jackson, what have you done?

And that’s the last movie!

___________________________

Despite the occasional misses, the Horror-thon is a great time. There’s something special about not knowing what comes next and sharing the bewildered experience with an enthusiastic crowd of fellow genre nerds. With our senses and backs throughly assaulted, we are victorious, and go blinking into the sunlight. The end.

Koichi is a boy who has moved from Tokyo to spend the school year in Yomiyama. Unfortunately, there is a terrible secret related to his class. 26 years ago a popular student passed away and to cope with the loss the class made a game of pretending he was still there. The ghost of the student accepted the invitation and appeared in the photographs of the graduating class. Ever since then a door to the lands of the dead has been open to the 9th grade class 3.

After the start of every school year, an extra student arrives; Another. This student is the incarnate ghost of a local who died violently or under mysterious circumstances. The trouble is that having a dead person in the class room brings death closer to all of the other students while the ghost is among them. The students and their families and close friends are all in danger of death by horrible accidents or unpredictable madness. The curse also causes memories to become confused so that no one is able to identify the ghost and even the ghost doesn’t realize that she is already dead.

Over the years several attempts have been made to thwart the curse (such as renaming the classes) but the only effective means of evading the calamities has been to “make room” for the ghost by choosing a student whom everyone will ignore, a student who will not exist for the year. This satisfies the ghost and prevents the death and destruction that would otherwise occur.

Koichi joins the class late owing to illness and misses the briefing about curses, ghosts, and the nonexistent student. His classmates hem and haw, and before they can warn him, Koichi decides that he wants to be friends with Mei, the silent creepy girl with an eyepatch who always sits by herself. Obviously, he has chosen this year’s nonexistent to be his pal and his actions will ruin the countermeasures that prevent the curse. Or has he?

The story twists its way through many horror concepts including human dolls, parental neglect, doppelgangers, and the secret connections that Koichi has to the history of the town. As Koichi explores these mysteries, the calamity proceeds and the body count grows. Slowly the tale changes into a weird whodunnit as the students try to find who is really the ghost among them.

With the emphasis on slowly. That is the downfall of the series.

Boy, Koichi. You sure know how to pick ‘em.

The story of Another is that of a novel stretched to cover an entire 13 episode series. Sub-plots are introduced but as they are dropped or fade into obscurity it becomes obvious that they were just to provide padding. Even at the story’s climax, with a hotel burning to the ground around them and the panicked students turning on one another in desperation, our protagonists amble slowly through the carnage and ask one another halting questions that are answered One. Syl. La. Ble. At. A. Time. so that there is opportunity for an interruption that will prolong the events of the story into yet another episode.

The cast is sizable, with a core group of 6 students and another dozen incidental characters drifting in and then meeting a grisly end. Even with this large group of teenagers and high school “classifications” to explore, huge amounts of time are devoted to Koichi and Mei who are the most bland of the cast. Mei is pale, dresses in black, her eyepatch covers an artificial eye of a mismatched color with her natural eye and she never speaks in anything more than a whisper. Even if there were no curse, I expect that the rest of the class would ignore her to death anyway. Koichi is sufficiently clueless to prolong the plot; never picking up on a hint from the girls who might actually be interested in him and trailing after the most damaged girl in town, fascinated by how absolutely f-ed up she is.

In their limited time the other characters do manage to grow beyond being “the nerd, the jock, and the tough girl,” though some remain one-dimensional. The characters are all well treated and the story and animation actively avoid any sexualization of the teenage cast, going to far as to defy the laws of physics to keep a skirt in place during one student’s death plunge. One male character has some feminine mannerisms but he is never stereotyped and his orientation remains a non-issue.

The art is well done though some characters become ambiguous in appearance, so that you can only tell them apart by hairstyles and eye color. As the story comes to involve elements of mistaken identity, the ambiguity may even be intended as a feature. Animation remains consistently good throughout the series, showing the budget was well planned to prevent any drop in quality near the end of production. There are some flashes of animated brilliance reserved for the death scenes and even a brief dance number. Early in the series scene transitions are punctuated by insert shots to dolls in elaborate dresses and inhuman poses but this device drops out partway through the series and is never really explained.

Watching subtitled, I found the Japanese voice actors good, though the typical “tough guy” teenager always sounds like he’s been held back about 5 years and Mei’s only direction is to be gloomy so there’s little to expect from her. Music features the suitably creepy soundscapes of weirdly altered and electronic instrument sounds and long sustained tones pad out the cavernous gaps between the character’s lines of dialog.

You’re all going to die down here. Of boredom!

If the show were not so glacial in story progression I would be able to recommend it for its consistently good art, creepy atmosphere and brutal kills. As it is though, you’re probably better off looking for the live-action movie; short-form media will force the writers to abandon the constant cliff-hanger and shocker endings of the episodes.

Philly-based developers QuadraTron Games need funds to complete Monsters, a creepy retro shooter.  Check out their Kickstarter page to learn more about the game and to lend your support. There are 8 days left now and they’re oh so close to meeting the goal. Let’s make this happen, people. How can you say no to that face?

A meteor crashes in the hills outside a typical sleepy town. Campers are the first to be shredded by the creature that emerges; a 6 foot high, three-headed, fleshy and phallic collection of toothy maws that soon finds its way into the basement of a nearby house. Once it has set up shop, the creature begins to populate the flooded basement with dozens of tadpole like spawn, equally hungry for fresh meat.

The action of the film takes place over a single rain-soaked day in Charles and Pete’s house. Pete is a typical high school nerd. Worried about his grades and trying to get his study partner to recognize his romantic interest in a passive/aggressive way. Charles is a different variety of geek; obsessed with horror films and with a bedroom full of zombie movie posters and special effects toys.

Their parents are the first to go, venturing downstairs to meet a grisly end. Then the electrician wanders in and is similarly chomped to pieces.  By this time the creatures mobilize and spread out from the house and it isn’t long before the tadpoles attack neighboring grandma’s vegetarian luncheon, chew their way through uncle Herb and force the kids to barricade themselves in the upper storeys of the house. Charles, like all young boys with an affinity for chemistry, mixes up some explosives to put the monster down in a fountain of gore.

The greatest attention was obviously paid to the special effects featuring lots of animated monster puppets and full prosthetic bodies being eaten into bloody chunks. Performances are so-so, with some more earnest work by the adults while the teens chew scenery. Young Charles is forced by the script to stare at monsters in confused horror for long stretches as the effects play out, and there’s only so long he can hold the expression before it looks more like quiet concern than fear of gory death.

The two young female characters are painted in very broad strokes. There’s Ellen, the good girl honor student on one side and Kathy, the naughty girl on the other. One of the more interesting twists in the filming is that Ellen needed to leave the project, so it’s the good girl who gets killed while the naughty one makes it to the film’s end. A reversal of the script that feeds into the ending in which the survivors are traumatized rather than triumphant.

The filmmakers borrow heavily from other horror films in what might be seen as homage but what I experience is more a grab-bag of ideas. Not all of them are appropriate. There are comedy moments, with grandma grinding up a tadpole in a food processor and serving it to her guests, some scenes that recreate the last few moments of Night of the Living Dead, and plenty of Fulci inspired prolonged kills but with the zombie replaced by the toothsome spawn. Scenes just happen and then end; the sense of time is confused between the concurrent and consecutive events.

Which would matter, but we’re really just here for the gore. And if you are too, it’s worth your time to watch The Deadly Spawn.

As time has gone on and sequels and spin-off titles have been made, the focus of the games has slipped away from horror and into fast-paced action. The latest games, Resident Evil 6 and Operation Raccoon City have been compared to Michael Bay films; placing an emphasis on over-the-top bombast and explosions instead of the horror elements that were the roots of the series. I think that’s a shame because I still have a lot of love for the old frights from Resident Evil, especially the REmake.

In the early 2000′s, Capcom was one of the most earnest developers for Nintendo’s Gamecube console. Considered by many to be the “loser” of that generation, when compared alongside the PlayStation 2 and the XBOX, the Gamecube was underpowered and boasted the most awkwardly designed controller of the set. Still, Capcom showed an unflagging support for the system and even some of their popular PS2 games began their lives as Gamecube titles that were “ported” into versions for the console. Resident Evil, originally a title for the PlayStation made the switch to the Gamecube but with some impressive updates.

The remake of Resident Evil stuck to the story of the original but with all new art, redesigned environments, some control and system updates, new undead enemies to face and even new rooms and outbuildings added on to the map. It was an impressive overhaul of the original that pushed the graphical processing power of the Gamecube and kept the horror of the mansion the central feature of the game.

In the story of the original Resident Evil, a group of specially trained police are trapped in an abandoned mansion while investigating reports of cannibal attacks. The mansion is the secret testing ground of the bizarre bio-weapons of the evil Umbrella Corporation, a combination pharmaceuticals and weapons company with endless money that is soon responsible for everything evil everywhere. Chris Redfield or Jill Valentine, the playable characters, must make their way through the mansion, running from or killing zombified researchers and test subjects and escaping all manner of mutant weapons including reptilian gorillas, giant snakes and spiders, a giant venus flytrap, a trained killer shark, and a hulking prototype super soldier.

Our heroes were almost constantly outgunned and outnumbered but the real tension and the real fear came from exploration rather than combat. The mansion itself was an expertly crafted environment of gloom and dread with every kind of wicked and spooky environment you could hope to find in a ghost house movie. Richly appointed dining and sitting rooms, claustrophobic bed chambers, drafty attics, and then, inexplicably, underground laboratory facilities and abandoned mine shafts. It was a wide-reaching environment and the desire to discover the next room was balanced against the fear of what manner of creature would be waiting on the other side of the door.

For the REmake, Capcom added in new features such as the Crimson Heads. Normally putting down a zombie in a video game means a corpse that vanishes once off-screen to save on rendering power. In the REmake, if you left a zombie corpse in place it would mutate further and leap back to life, no longer a shambling husk but now as a running, clawed Crimson Head zombie. To stop the mutation, the bodies of foes had to be burned with kerosene. Another resource that was in short supply, adding to the tension. Is it safe to back track through a room if you killed the monster but didn’t burn the corpse? New defensive weapons were added as well. Now if a creature got into a grapple with Jill or Chris, they could pull out a knife and stab it into the monster’s head or zap it with a taser to force it to release it’s intended meal. These features didn’t necessarily make the game easier though. Carrying these items meant there was less room in Chris or Jill’s pack for other weapons or additional ammunition.

The crowning touch however, was the inclusion of new sections of the mansion grounds, like the gardener’s house. An entire subplot was developed around Lisa Trevor, daughter of a researcher who was subjected to lab rat experiments by the unscrupulous scientists of Umbrella. Lisa is a perfectly tragic horror monster. Twisted by experiments, she removes the skin from her victims and binds it to her own body. She lurks the mansion grounds seeking her mother so that she can “return her face.” And if the tragedy wasn’t enough, she’s also completely unkillable. After soaking up entire clips of bullets, Lisa will collapse for a few minutes before rising again, just as dangerous and terrifying as before!

If the recent direction of games in the survival horror genre swerving away from scares and into spook house shooting galleries has let you down, then being able to return to this high quality game will be a welcome change of pace. Gamecube games will still play beautifully on the Nintendo Wii, so if you have the opportunity, I highly recommend checking out this gem from the past console generation. It’s one of the rare occurrences when a remake far surpasses the original.