Final Girl Support Group

It may have been written in 1973, but for me, Interview with the Vampire will always be part of the 90s.  If you were alive then, and old enough to be aware, you probably remember Neil Jordan’s 1994 film adaptation.  It was a big deal when it came out, and not just because Tom Cruise sported some long blonde locks (though that was a big deal).  After 80s classics like The Lost Boys and Near Dark, the 90s brought the romantic monster back.  Hold on, read that again – romantic MONSTER.  This is not Twilight, people.  These vampires are beautiful and romantic, but they sure as hell are monsters too.

Here’s what JennyD and I have learned from rewatching this movie as adults:

1.  We’ve got to agree with Lestat.  Louie is an unbearable whiner.  While we might have been sympathetic in our youth, we now find him significantly less appealing (although Brad Pitt helps in that department).  He projects all of his evil deeds and guilt onto his maker despite causing most of the problems (He ASKED to be a vampire!).  Just goes to show that vampirism is no cure for depression.

2.  Louie sets every place he lives on fire.  Why does he feel the need to torch all of his homes before he leaves them?  Seriously, no less than 2 plantations and one theater are torched because he apparently knows no other way to make an exit.

3.  This movie holds up to the test of time, which was actually surprising.  Nostalgia is often no mark of quality and we figured that a film appreciated as pre-teens would now be showing its age. We were pleased to discover that we still enjoyed it.  This especially goes for the cast, which was pretty out there back in the day – Brad Pitt was a nobody, Antonio Banderas was mostly new to the States (and a strange choice for Armand given his literary counterpart), and Kirsten Dunst was an unknown child with an adult part to play.  And then there’s Tom Cruise, Maverick himself, playing the vampire Lestat.  Oh, do I remember the uproar that caused.  Even Anne Rice was pissed.  But Jordan stuck by his choices and, in the end, Rice changed her tune.  Cruise embodies the spirit of the character from the novels, and I found him the most compelling character in the film.

4.  As some us here at FGSG are gaming nerds, we would just like to thank Anne Rice for helping to create the Toreador and Ventrue clan.  Really, for helping make Vampire: The Masquerade overall.

5.  This movie is rife with homoeroticism.  It’s not afraid to stay true to the genderless love and sexual magnetism of vampires in the source material.  We have positive thoughts about this.  Not only because it’s super hot (it is) and respectful of Rice’s vision (that too), but because portrayals of  this kind are such a rarity in Hollywood; where playing it safe and straight is the rule.

6.  The effects also hold up.  While there are a few overt sketchy moments (mostly stuff on fire), the majority of FX are just fine.  Hell, they’re way better than many of the CGI-fests made today.

Jenny: Conclusion? Sure, all of the stereotypical vampire imagery and themes are right here. Velvet capes and all. When you get past the cliches, this is still a solid vampire flick. Even better, an example of the ultimate balance between predator and lover. Some people like the beast. Some people like the sparkle. Both extremes of that spectrum annoy me. Murderous dandies who make out. Now THAT’S how I like my vampires.

We continue our tour of vampiric cinema with another Hammer Horror selection, Vampire Circus. Made in 1972, this film lacks the “heavy hitters” of Hammer’s past vampire films but does feature Adrienne Corri whose role as rape victim in A Clockwork Orange may be the only way most Americans would recognize her despite a long career on British television. Like most of these late period Hammer films, cheap thrills abound and bare breasted victims have their scenes punctuated by bright red blood splatters and awkward special effects.

The Victorian era vampires are at it again. Count Mitterhaus has a taste for the blood of children and his ghoulish mistress, the wife of the schoolmaster has been luring them to the castle for him. The townsfolk, riled to action by Prof. Mueller attack the castle to end his fiendish ways. The Count is staked and his castle set alight but his lover Anna hides his body and runs to find his kinsmen who will restore his un-life. Years pass and the town is beset by a plague so virulent that the neighboring towns have closed the roads to prevent it’s spread. The superstitious townsfolk blame the Count’s curse but Dr. Kersh believes it is a variety of rabies and with the help of his son Anton, he slips past the roadblock and rides to the capital for medicine. At the same time a travelling circus arrives and promise the inhabitants a distraction from their suffering with clowns, wild animals, tumblers, and magic tricks. However, this is a Vampire Circus! Disguised as performers the Count’s kinsmen and his lover have returned to lure the children of the village to him and sacrifice them. The Professor and Anton must try to defend the young people, including the Professor’s daughter, Dora from the corrupting appetites of the monsters!

From the opening scenes of child murder and naked tussling followed by the stabbing, staking and burning, the rest seems slow paced in comparison. That’s not to say the the film is tame. A family is mauled and their tattered bodies left to rot in the forest, the blood of several more children is drunk, musket balls blast through the strongman and the stakings and beheadings are full of crimson splatter. There is also the overt dance of the lion tamer and a nude woman in tiger striped body paint. I’m not sure how the superstitious Victorian-era villagers could resist burning these two on the spot for their sexual depravity. I suppose it could be explained by the bewitching effects of vampires but it’s not family entertainment. Put the kids to bed.

Not quite Cirque Du Soliel

The story itself is tangled between the many characters and plots. The action advances from scene to scene with some setups that do little to hide that it is a story of moments rather than a well thought out whole. The Count’s thirst for the blood of the children of those that killed him is an amusing precursor to Freddy Krueger but the romance between the Dr. and Prof.’s children is obvious as they are the only two young people left alive by the mid-point of the story. Dora is not a complete damsel in distress and manages to stake one of the vampires with a coincidentally pointy crucifix but she is helpless two minutes later as the scene calls for her to be captured to motivate the men to action. The men who, two minutes earlier had left to kill the vampire, meaning they would have crossed paths with the abductors. It reinforces that Hammer audiences were not turning out for the stories. As a Hammer vampire film; yeah. S’alright. Just don’t expect the legitimate chills of earlier Hammer vampires and accept it for the exploitation film it is.

He should have quite while he was ahead! He's the head of the class! That's one way to get ahead in life! He certainly has been decapitated and is therefore just a head!

As a note on minor roles, genre fans will be pleased by the appearance of Lala Ward as the (fully clothed) mute vampire acrobat and David Prowse as the (what else?) strongman.

Does it pass the Bechdel? The only long conversation between two women is the Burgermeister’s daughter whining to her mother to let her go get sexed up by the vampires again. Apparently flattery will get you everywhere, including dead in a vampire’s tomb.

On the Thirteenth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Thirteen “Bah! Humbugs!”, Twelve Zombies Oozing, Eleven Naughty Kringles, Ten Mogwai Creeping, Nine Obscene Phone Calls, Eight Santas Bleeding, Seven Cookies Snarking, Six Trees-a-Slaying… FIVE GARBAGE DAYS!… Four Naked Elves, Three Death Cars, Two Curling Duels and a Hell Goat in a Pear Tree…

Crowbait: The classic Christmas ghost story. Written in the 1840′s by Charles Dickens, A Christmas Carol is probably the most popular Christmas themed horror story of them all. And it is most definitely a horror story. Dickens teaches us to appreciate the joys of Christmas by putting them in sharp contrast with poverty, illness, greed, ignorance and death. These messages are delivered to a villainous old man by an assemblage of tortured ghosts and supernatural personifications of time, including the hooded and robed spectre of death representing the inevitable future. Merry Christmas!

A Christmas Carol  has been adapted for the screen, large and small, dozens of times. Dozens. My favorite however has always been the first adaptation I saw: The 1984 made-for-TV version starring George C. Scott as Ebenezer Scrooge.

Most of my love for this adaptation can be credited to Scott. A respected actor with a horror pedigree thanks to the classic film The Changeling, Scott had just appeared as a villain in the film of Stephen King’s Firestarter earlier that same year. His Scrooge is a villain, through and through. While other Scrooges have the selfish and miserly attitude that drives them to be unpleasant for the sake of driving away time-wasters, Scott puts real relish into such lines as “. . . any fool who goes about with ‘Merry Christmas’ on his lips would be boiled in his pudding and buried with a stake of holly through his heart!” His growls rise into sharp exclamation as he shouts “Mr. Cratchit!” to chide his clerk (here portrayed by David Warner.) His exchanges over the plight of the poor show a man who goes beyond not caring, feeling they deserve his personal hatred for their impositions. To turn this monster into a man requires the intervention of some truly powerful apparitions.

The inclusion of a horse-drawn hearse rolling through the snowy streets amid billows of fog set the tone right away and the grim and gloomy environment carries through nearly every scene, sometimes in contrast to the joy of the people as they prepare their celebrations. Marley’s appearance as ghastly door knocker is supplemented by Scrooge’s imagination etching him on the tiles in his fireplace. His arrival is complete with the mysterious bells and clattering chains we have come to expect of all childhood ghosts since. Christmas Past is as ineffable as ever and the sadness of Scrooge’s downfall as a young man is weighed on as heavily as his small moments of happiness. Christmas Present is jolly and jovial and brings most of the humor to the story but his stay ends with Scrooge confronted by the lives of the destitute poor he condemns and the personifications of Ignorance and Want as sickly orphans. Christmas Future is absolutely horrifying. It drifts out of a fog bank, a black silhouette against the light and in place of speech the electronic wail of an amplified violin punctuates its gestures.

As written, Scott’s Scrooge hangs on to his ways to the bitter end, moving through the stages of grief as he comes to terms with what he has been and what he can do, must do, to be more than a wretched monster whose passing the world would rejoice. When he turns the corner, Scott brings out a delightful exuberance and an almost childish playfulness when he teases Bob Cratchit before revealing to him his change of heart.

No other adaptation has captured my attention the same way. More recent film versions seem to think that the story is a parable meant for children and so they introduce humor or action to alleviate the weight of the terrible and frightening things that are part of the story. A Christmas Carol is a message for everyone, young and old. It deserves attention, now more than ever, as we see greed destroying things on a worldwide scale in a series of chaotic events that become personal horror stories every day.

One of the most interesting aspects of Dickens’ work is that despite the focus on Christmas, his holiday is almost entirely secular. Apart from the Cratchits’ short prayers, there is almost no mention of religion in the story. Dickens believed that the true meaning of Christmas doesn’t need to be Luke. 2.8-14, but it can be about simply caring for each other and sharing what we have to bring some small joy to everyone. Merry Christmas to all.

On the Twelfth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Twelve Zombies Oozing, Eleven Naughty Kringles, Ten Mogwai Creeping, Nine Obscene Phone Calls, Eight Santas Bleeding, Seven Cookies Snarking, Six Trees-a-Slaying… FIVE GARBAGE DAYS!… Four Naked Elves, Three Death Cars, Two Curling Duels and a Hell Goat in a Pear Tree…

Paco Plaza, co-creator of [REC], [REC] 2 and the upcoming [REC] 3 Genesis, directs this festive entry found in the 6 Films to Keep You Awake collection (strongly recommended for fans of Spanish horror). The film features the wonderful young star of Pan’s Labyrinth, Ivana Baquero. The rest of the cast is lesser-known in the States, but I have a couple fun casting notes: Pau Poch, who plays Tito, plays a character of the same name in both [REC] 2 and Shiver. In addition, there is a hilarious appearance from Spanish rock singer Loquillo. Speaking of Loquillo…

A Christmas Tale opens with a fantastic retro sequence reminiscent of the many foreign Hammer knock-offs released in the 80s. A blond in a tacky sci-fi costume complete with orange spandex and metal bra is saved by the dashing zombie killer Taylor. (the previously mentioned Loquillo, too cool in an epic pompadour and leather pants) “Calm down, cupcake. The zombie invasion is over.” This hilarious opening turns out to be a scene from ZOMBIE INVASION, a fictional film the young boy protagonists watch obsessively.

From there, the film is a lighthearted period piece set in the 80s. The young boys dash from place to place on bikes and get into trouble. The toys, clothes and posters that litter their rooms delightfully support the time period. One boy is fixated on The Karate Kid. It’s fun and not unlike the tone of Stand by Me and the Goonies. At first.

The children soon find a body, dressed in a Santa suit, at the bottom of a deep pit. It turns out to be a woman. She’s terribly injured, but surprisingly still alive and desperate for help. The kids start out with the best of intentions and try to help her escape the hole, but quickly cease rescue efforts when they discover that their mysterious Santa (apparently named Rebecca) is a wanted fugitive. The cruelty that follows, after the cheerful introduction to the characters and their world, is jarring. They hit her hard in the head with a rock, cover the hole with branches so that no one can find her, and leave her there to starve. They treat her like an abused pet and demand money in exchange for her freedom.

Although Moni (Baquero) is more sympathetic than the others, these children are just awful. And there’s a mean misogynistic streak running underneath the surface as well. I don’t know how other horror fans felt, but I hated these kids. I wanted to see them punished by our suffering Santa. And soon. Moving on…One thing leads to another and it seems that Rebecca has died after surrendering the money. She is later missing when they return to the hole, however, and the group is convinced that she’s been resurrected as a zombie in the fashion of their favorite horror film.

I won’t go much further into the plot, but the cover art makes it fairly clear that Rebecca gets a chance to hunt the naughty children down (zombie or not). Although I felt justice was, more or less, served by the end and there was some closure to the misogyny, it wasn’t entirely satisfying. Not many films have the guts to give me what I really wanted to see; a bunch of kids axed onscreen (let alone a made-for-TV film). Harsh I know. Eh. They’re pretty terrible.

Overall, the film is fun and well-made.  I’m always pleased to see a vicious female slasher too. If the mean-spirited nature of the protagonists won’t ruin the experience, 80s horror fans will have a good time.

On the Eleventh Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Eleven Naughty Kringles, Ten Mogwai Creeping, Nine Obscene Phone Calls, Eight Santas Bleeding, Seven Cookies Snarking, Six Trees-a-Slaying… FIVE GARBAGE DAYS!… Four Naked Elves, Three Death Cars, Two Curling Duels and a Hell Goat in a Pear Tree…

Christmas Evil (1980), also known as You Better Watch Out, reminds us of the very real dangers of childhood holiday trauma.

Harry Stadling (Brandon Maggert) is obsessed with Christmas! In fact he wants to “be” the authentic Santa Claus, with a real suit, sleigh and reindeer. Ever since he learned the “truth” about Santa, he’s tried to make Christmas a reality. Growing up a toy maker, Harry is met with naysayers and critics who mock him for his yuletide beliefs… but he wants people to get the presents they deserve, even if that means giving the gift of murder!

StayFrosty: In an already weird sub-genre, I found this movie particularly weird.  Maybe it’s the tone, which shifts from funny to awkward to something Freddy Krueger-esque to kind of sad to INSANE.  What I have definitely learned from all these movies is that if you see Santa have sex (or someone dressed as Santa having sex), it makes you a murderer.  In a Santa suit.  Because nothing causes a psychotic break by learning not just that Santa isn’t real, but that he’s having sex with your mom.  This is the truth about Santa – he likes sex.

Our lead character differs slightly from other crazy Santas in that he actually seems to care about children, not just stabbing people – though that happens too.  Maybe it’s this actual bit of caring that makes for the tonal shifts – you can’t help but feel kind of sorry for this guy and his love of good kids – though seeing him spying on little kids and keeping a meticulous journal on them is totally creepy.  So basically it’s a weird battle between sympathetic and awkward creepy pedophile.  Like I said, weird.

And speaking of weird, let’s talk about this ending.  I’m not going to say too much, but when FGSG got to the ending, we couldn’t believe it.  Santa flies into the moon in his murder van?  Slow motion into the sky like real Santa?  Uh-huh.  I left the room for a cup of coffee, and when I get back the man is flying into the sun.  The End!  What?

Jenny: Although it’s certainly not the first holiday horror flick (following Black Christmas among others), the more obscure Christmas Evil beats the controversial Silent Night, Deadly Night to the evil Santa punch. As notable as that may be, it’s very difficult to love this grim little film.

The protagonist is almost likable and, as one would hope, crazed and violent. However, the number of scenes focused on his introspection and increasingly crushing depression (stayed only by faith in Christmas and the innocence of children) results in a film that doesn’t deliver the campy horror advertised. The cheap production values don’t help. In short, it’s not particularly fun and it’s not executed well enough to appreciate on an intellectual level; though the ending, probably a metaphor or brief dream sequence, is quite wacky.

And when will these guys realize that their murderous escapades in front of children will just result in MORE KILLER SANTAS??? (or Santa killers) No, we’re not letting this go.

Whether it’s terror or silliness you want, casual fans looking to enjoy some Christmas horror this week have a number of better options to choose from. Just take a look at the rest of our 13 Days of Christmas series for recommendations.

crowbait: I thought it was interesting that what sets off our jolly old murder spree is the commercialization of Christmas. The toy company he works for is off-loading inferior product on a children’s hospital as part of a PR stunt. They don’t even know if there are enough toys for all of the sick kids. Harry can’t stand this callous attitude from toy makers and the way they are abusing the situation to boost their company image, so the killings begin with him crashing the TV appearance on the steps of the hospital and putting an axe into the heads of the toy company owners. Punishing people for betraying the true meaning of Santa? Why not?

By the way, the ending of the van leaping off a cliff toward the sky, cutting away before the arc of descent begins is probably the director’s way of ending on a happy note. Like Thelma and Louise but with more holiday cheer.

On the Tenth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Ten Mogwai Creeping, Nine Obscene Phone Calls, Eight Santas Bleeding, Seven Cookies Snarking, Six Trees-a-Slaying… FIVE GARBAGE DAYS!… Four Naked Elves, Three Death Cars, Two Curling Duels and a Hell Goat in a Pear Tree…

Jenny: Director Joe Dante (The Hole, The ‘burbs, Innerspace) and writer Chris Columbus (The Goonies, the Harry Potter series), a dream team of comedic genre work, created Gremlins (1984). The film stars Zach Galligan (the Waxwork series), Phoebe Cates (Drop Dead Fred), Corey Feldman (The Goonies, The Lost Boys, Stand by Me) and a delightful pack of troublesome creatures designed by Chris Walas.

A man buys a Mogwai as a Christmas present for his son. The young boy is told to keep the pet away from water, out of the light and never to feed it after midnight. Inadvertently, the creature is dampened and almost instantly, produces half a dozen furry replicas of itself –which continue to multiply and turn the small town upside-down.

StayFrosty: I was told that writing “Gizmo is adorable” over and over again wouldn’t make for a proper review, so my first idea had to be scrapped.  But the adorableness of the little Mogwai does tie in to part of what makes this movie so great – the excellent and endearing use of puppetry.  From Gizmo (did I mention he is adorable?) to the other Mogwai to the Gremlins, these puppets have personality and still seem up to date.  While watching this, JennyD, Crow and I talked a lot about CGI and how it can be used effectively, but sometimes there is no substitute for knowing that the cute and/or villainous critters are there in the frame with the actors.

Gremlins holds up in part because it rides the line of horror and comedy, something that is infinitely difficult and often unsuccessful.  But in this case, Dante gets the tone just right.  I laughed a lot this time around, but I also recalled many moments from my youth that scared the crap out of me.  I love that he chose to use “the happiest time of year” as a backdrop for the ensuing chaos with the Mogwai/Gremlins and their assault on the town.  Even though this is ostensibly a movie for young people, there is no shortage of blood (or green goop, in the case of the Gremlins).  These monsters are out for blood, and Dante isn’t afraid to kill people and Gremlins alike.  The best deaths are reserved for the Gremlins – a kitchen fight with Billy’s mom ends with one in a blender and one in the microwave.  Billy’s mom is not kidding around.

Make no mistake, this is one of those special movies for us monster kids, and for some was likely a gateway into the world of horror.  It is funny, scary, touching, and holds up more than 25 years later.  Highly recommended.

Crowbait: I was too afraid of Gremlins to watch it when it first came out. I think it was my first PG-13 film and that was new and dangerous ground for me at the time. It really is a fun time though and it definitely is the “kid’s” Joe Dante film. The balance of humor and horror is perfect here and held up by performances that are never outside the Christmas parable framing of the story where bad things happen to good people but deadly things happen to the bad people. The theme is delightfully raucous when it hits it’s stride demonstrating that Jerry Goldsmith is a genius regardless of the scale of a film, epic or intimate.

On the Ninth Day of Christmas, my true love gave to me… Nine Obscene Phone Calls, Eight Santas Bleeding, Seven Cookies Snarking, Six Trees-a-Slaying… FIVE GARBAGE DAYS!… Four Naked Elves, Three Death Cars, Two Curling Duels and a Hell Goat in a Pear Tree…

“Agnes? It’s me, Billy.”

In Bob Clark‘s Black Christmas (1974), an ill-fated houseful of sorority sisters is stalked by a psychopath during the holiday season. (Fun fact: Bob Clark also directed A Christmas Story. Whaaa?)

StayFrosty: This was the second time I saw this movie, and the first time I didn’t like it very much.  Maybe I wasn’t paying attention, because I really enjoyed it this time around.  It manages to maintain a creepy atmosphere and the ladies are surprisingly proactive for the time period.  While I love Halloween, I have to admit that many of the tropes made popular by the John Carpenter classic seem to make an appearance in Black Christmas.  POV from the killer (though I maintain that Carpenter used this to much greater effect), a cast of realistic female characters and a killer who mainly stays out of frame.  Black Christmas goes the extra mile by having the killer never reveal himself fully – the most we see is a shadowy outline and one fucking creepy eye through a doorway.  Seriously, it’s pretty damn creepy.

I would remiss in my duties as a member of a feminist blog if I didn’t mention that the female characters are very well done in this film.  Unlike the cardboard cutout, topless, one-dimensional sex and drug craving party girls that seem to inhabit most modern slashers, the ladies of Black Christmas are multi-dimensional.  They have goals and problems and like sex and have fun – in short, they’re girls in college.  When things start to go wrong, they take action.  They go to the police.  And they aren’t just the virgin and the whore.  Our final girl is clearly sexually active and dealing with serious issues like abortion, something not often seen in these types of films.  I find it admirable that these ladies are dealt with in a realistic manner and are allowed to be “normal girls”.

Black Christmas (1974), predating When a Stranger Calls (1979), may very well be the first use of the common "The calls are coming from inside the house!" trope in genre film. Olivia Hussey does not like it one bit.

Jenny: Like Frosty, I was revisiting Black Christmas this past weekend. It had been a while since I’d seen it last and, more than anything, this watch hammered home just how repugnant the remake truly was. Not just a badly done cookie-cutter slasher, but a travesty that guts the original story of all of its mystery and dread. This is most evident with our deadly slasher, “Billy.”

Billy is a tortured voice on the phone that contains murky secrets. A pair of hands. A terrifying glimpse of an eye. (Agreeing with Frosty on all counts here. If it wasn’t for the company, a brightly lit room, and years of watching hardcore horror films, there is a moment here that would have kept me up at night.) Other than groaning threats and muttering about “Agnes,” a baby, and a horrible deed, we know nothing about Billy. It works. When a skilled filmmaker trusts the viewer’s imagination to fill in the blanks, the results can be thrilling and extraordinary. In the remake, said blanks are filled in with smears of shit. Billy is an abused boy born with bright yellow skin. Or something. Avoid.

Although we chose not to include the leading lady Jess in our list of Top 10 Final Girls (for reasons best left unsaid), I agree that she is an excellent example of the slasher heroin. Genre fans uninterested in slashers due to stereotypical characters, needless nudity catering to a male audience, and/or gore may actually find a lot to love about this festive horror film. Recommended.